4.21.2006

"Men in Tights" Wasn't Meant to be Taken Seriously

"The Key to the Greatest Treasure in All the Land!" was taken a little to seriously by jeweler Joe Costello. His method for selling more lockets is the 'Heart to Hearttm' abstinence program, largely inspired (it would seem) by a Mel Brooks movie:

First, the "key to her heart." This beautiful heart has a smaller heart in the front. Behind that heart is a keyhole. When making the covenant with your daughter, you explain that the covenant is between her, you and God. Since God has placed her in your care as a parent, you and only you can hold the "key to her heart."

She is, after all, not just a child, but a woman and incapable of making these sorts of decisions on her own. Especially in South Dakota.

You then explain to the child that you will hold the key to her precious heart until the day of her wedding. On that day, you will give her away like at all weddings, BUT in doing so you will also “give away” the key to her heart to her now husband. The key and lock are actually functional and your son-in-law will place the key in the heart to open it.

Inside will be a small note that had been placed in the heart on the day you made the covenant. That note can say something like, "I do not know your name or what you even look like, but this is my promise to save myself for you this day. Love, Melanie."
Not the least bit creepy. Really.

At some level, there has to be a degree of 'my daughter is my property' going on here. Nobody locks up anything that isn't something they own. The transfer to the husband, is of course, a transfer of ownership. The former daughter is now the wife, and property of the husband. This was legally true for the vast majority of human history. At least Western History.

And people who support this shit are running our country.

In a long trail, I got this from Digby, but it's originally from World O'Crap. I think.

1 comment:

Blogenfreude said...

Oh, the disclaimer I could write for that!